Reflections of a year gone by...

This picture was taken on this day a year ago.  I was laying in the bed with Madie really thinking that I was missing something...pondering what my purpose was...was I accomplishing anything professionally...was I a good momma...a good wife...had I made the right choices in my life. I couldn't wrap my head around what it was that was missing.  I felt this giant sized hole somewhere, but for the life of me couldn't figure out what it was that I needed to fill it.  A year later I don't claim to have the answer to that question, but truly feel that I am a heck of a lot closer than I was on this day a year ago.  

I can remember as a child thinking that a year was a millennium and that Christmas would never come.  I can remember my grandmother saying, "wait until you get to be my age and the years will just fly by."  As with just about everything she ever tells me, she was exactly right.  A year has a way these days of just flying by and what we do with that blink is up to us.  I have been very transparent that this year for me was one I was all to happy to be saying goodbye to.  The woman in that picture is almost unrecognizable to me for what was going on behind those eyes.  The searching that my heart was doing, and in all the wrong places for the most part, almost drove me crazy.  (My sweet Dennie might even say I was crazy there for a little while...okay maybe a lot of whiles.)  All the while God was working on my heart...working on me to mold me into what I couldn't wrap my head around was possible.  Someone who could just sit and be present...someone who get out of my head long enough to let Him speak to my heart.  His gentle, sometimes not so gentle, pulling and stretching and molding was painful.  It was hard.  It was life wrecking.  In the end it is beautiful and transforming.  

As I look to the things to come in 2016 I am so thankful for that painful and beautiful transformation that only my Savior can have the credit for.  I have truly been taught in this last year how to let go and let God.  To truly open my hands, even when that means losing the grasp on something I thought I wanted and needed, to have the availability for something much bigger and better.  I learned to spend a lot more time in His word to have the armor necessary to battle the enemy in the daily assaults that are sure to be thrown my way.  I gained the confidence to know that as long as I faithfully listen to His calling and am prayerful in my decisions allowing Him to light my path I will never go wrong.  As I move into my Ephesians 3:20 year I absolutely believe that 2015 was a Romans 8:28 year and that all these things...however painful they may have been...will work together for good because I love God and know that I am called according to His purpose.  That my friends is the BIGGEST blessing of all!   

Ephesians 3:20-21
Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us, to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever!  Amen! 

When up is the only direction you can go

You know those days...those days that all you can think about is the next thing you have to do...the next place that you have to be....the endless list of to do's.  It is always on those days that you can't find a parking space in the garage.  You go up and up and up and up and the whole time you think "UGH...I don't want to have to park on the top.  I don't want to have to go down all those stairs and this is taking forever.  This is such a waste of valuable time."  But then you get to the top and what you thought was such an inconvenience ends up to be such a blessing.  At the top of that parking garage is a beautiful image that had you not gone to the top you would have never gotten to see.

View of Charleston, SC from the top of the MUSC parking garage  

God is that way...he slips those precious moments into the rush of the busiest days to make us stop, reflect, and realize how truly blessed we are.  I have definitely found that it is in those times when I have that endless to do list and the anxiety of getting things done is just about to choke me one of these precious moments gets slipped in, and if I don't let myself get in the way it is the biggest blessing I could ask for. 

Today was one of those days. Today is the last day I work before a much needed break for the Christmas holiday.  It is no secret that I LOVE MY WORK...in fact it really isn't work for me...it is my passion. All that to say that in less than 48 hours I will have a house full of family and friends for our annual Christmas Eve celebration.  Of course in true McDaniel fashion we don't just put out a few finger foods and call it a night.  Like most things we go BIG or we don't go at all, so my stress level, good or bad, is usually at def-con level 5 by this point.  So I have all of these things on my mind and I am trying to focus on just getting through today to get to tomorrow, and all the things I need to do.  

But first I have patients to see...get to the top of that parking garage so to say.  Thankfully it is right in these moments when I might be losing sight of how blessed I am that my sweet and compassionate God gives me a real loving knock to the head.  Today that knock came in the way of a sweet little person and his precious family who invited me in their home...their sacred space to tell me their story and share their lives.  That precious opportunity to sit in that home with this family and talk about that amazing little person they are caring for and all that goes into that was just what I needed.  We talked about the hard stuff, the fun stuff, and everything in between.  This isn't a traditional situation and it isn't what any of them planned, but it is perfect.  It is full of love and hope, and it is a perfect home that came out of an imperfect situation.  It should never be a surprise to me that in these moments I am awed by the grace of a God who knew long before this family did that He would knit them together to be exactly what they needed and exactly what I needed.  I walked out of that visit with a new resolve that everything doesn't have to be just right to be perfect.  There is all kinds of perfect in all the imperfect.

I had planned...insert hysterical laughter here...to have this Christmas season be so intentional for my little family. (Please refer back to that blog post about doing advent every night up until Christmas and making this season one to remember.  Now I am really laughing out loud.)  But you know what I have to give grace to myself and to the fact that we didn't do an advent every night, but I can truly say that now more than ever before I am so thankful for the time I have and whatever that looks like.  I am thankful for these 3 people I share a home with.  I know that we will never have it all together, but that's okay.  God takes our imperfections and knits us together to be perfect for each other.  All we have to focus on glorifying Him and doing all we do with a loving spirit.  With that the focus, no matter the imperfections, we will always be exactly what He calls us to be.  He delights in our imperfections, because then we have no choice but to give that to Him so that He can pull together the impossibly imperfect and make it positively perfect in every way!  

2 Corinthians 12:9
And He has said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness " Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me.

Saying "Bye Felicia" to 2015

In order to step out in faith many times we have to get really uncomfortable first.  God does that...He sometimes lightly shakes our shoulders and other times He gives us whiplash.  But when we are faithful and obedient BIG things happen.  We learn who we are through Him and we move on to do BIG things for His glory.  

This season has been spent getting shaken up and uncomfortable for what God has laid on my heart.  I felt His not so gentle tugging to use my voice in lots of different ways....for sweet precious patients and parents who need an advocate....for souls that are searching and feeling isolated....for daughters who need to know a strong and confident momma so that they know they can do anything as long as it is called according to His purpose....and to be a friend and wife in times that are not pretty or easy or all wrapped up with a bow.  

I have never been so happy to see a year come and go.  This has been one for the record books, but I am so blessed to say through all the heartache God has brought me out on the other side a stronger daughter ready to be ALL IN!  Ready to hear His sweet voice in my ear and surrender all I have and all I am to His purpose.  This picture is a teaser of one of those really exciting things coming down the pike!  The precious woman in this picture with me is one of those gifts...her encouragement, her ear, and her heart have been just what I needed and she is for sure sent from heaven!  I am so excited what we have coming in the New Year and hope that all we do will ALWAYS glorify His name!

#twosmalltowngirls #myMelissa #theseJesusgirlsareonfire

Peace, Patience, and maybe a few tears....

                                                                                                             Kiawah Island, SC (photo taken 12/16/15 CLM)

This morning as I am sitting looking out over this beautiful place I am blessed to call home I am humbled.  Humbled to think that even though the road is never straight, has bumps both big and small, and I often stumble and fall I am forever carried by a Savior that loves me unconditionally.  Often times we are disappointed and hurt by people we come in contact with whether just for a season or who are in our lives forever.  They, whether intentionally or not, take away some of our happiness.  They affect our days, cloud our thoughts, bring out self doubt, and just make it hard to not use bad words!   I have found myself struggling with allowing these types of people to rent very valuable space in my brain, and it really isn't worth all that.  And as this was happening I found myself really crying out to God for peace in my heart and in my mind and as He ALWAYS does for this very unworthy Jesus girl...He showed up.  

This weekend I got one of the most valuable lessons worded by God and delivered from our pastor at church.   He spoke on the difference between happiness and joy.  I had never thought about the difference between those two words.  I had always used them interchangeably. I would says things like, "I won't let this person steal my joy," when in all actuality my joy will forever and always rest on the promises of an Almighty God...who will NEVER rely on circumstances...He will forever hang his promises on that cross...and that will never change. Happiness is circumstantial but our joy is in the LORD!  There is no greater freedom!  When we really reflect on what that means it is so true! Our joy is forever anchored in the Lord and His mighty promises.  

I have found for myself in order to continue to hold on to that truth, and not let the enemy cloud my mind with doubt, I have to spend quiet time with him as much as possible.  I would love to say that happens everyday in a scheduled quiet time for hours on end, but let's be real...the struggle...it's real!  But I can always tell when it's been a few days without that quiet time...with out that intentional slowing down of the pace to just be with Him and in His word.  God calls us to a relationship with Him.  He wants us...our time...He is jealous for that and I find such joy in that alone!  Another way I combat the enemy's onslaught is that I surround myself with positive people who support me, hold me accountable, send me scripture and devotions, and advice that I don't know what I would do without.  The Lord definitely uses these people in my life to be that physical anchor and boy do I need it.   

I found that when I am doubting my strength to endure and carry on without acting like a two year old cry baby I just have to remember these truths:

"the joy of the Lord is your strength!" Nehemiah 8:10

"When the Holy Spirit controls our lives, He will produce this kind of fruit in us:  love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control." Galatians 5:22-23

"May you always be filled with the fruit of your salvation--those good things that are produced in your life by Jesus Christ--for this will bring much glory and praise to God." Philippians 1:11

I truly hope this brings someone as much GOD given JOY as it did for me just to write it all down.  What a beautiful reminder of all our precious Savior does for us.  

Sometimes the NOT great is overshadowed by the GREAT...

As anyone who loves me well knows...I really love my warm cozy bed...I really love not seeing 5am come up on the clock...and I really love my sleep even though I function on just a little bit.  Some days just don't go as planned, some days are hard, and some days you just want to hide under the covers.  Monday brought us one of those mornings, and then convinced Tuesday to deliver the same.

Monday Dennie's truck decided that it would be fun to break down, and by break down I mean pour smoke profusely out of the front grill.  So on Tuesday when it was necessary to get up at 5am, be presentable for human interaction, and get Dennie to St. John's by 6:45am I was feeling very sorry for myself.  But as always the NOT great ended up being REALLY GREAT when I let God re-frame and refocus.  I had an hour and fifteen minutes of uninterrupted quiet time with the Lord.  An hour and fifteen minutes to devote to hearing His sweet voice quiet my busy mind and troubled heart.  An hour and fifteen minutes to sip coffee and immerse myself in His sacred word.  The words that allowed me to hear the truth that when we focus our sight on God and His blessings we will continue to be humbled by His grace.   

Humility is not an easy accomplishment, and pride is one of our biggest enemies.  Pride gets in the way of our relationship with Him and all He wants to accomplish through us.  This pride is such a double edged sword...it slights Him and without any doubt destroys us.  In all we do, no matter the success, ALL the glory is His.  It is through Him that all things are possible.  It is in our weakest moments, and when doubt clouds our minds, that we have to rely on this simple truth...We are His and He loves us with a love so passionate that we should be humbled enough to give Him the glory in all things.  

In these moments of despair when I really want to throw my head under the covers and hide I have found my greatest joy while humbling myself before Him.  Above all else I need to keep my eyes and heart trained on Him, and put no one and nothing else before Him.  I long to glorify Him in all that I do!