Heroes

Not all heroes wear capes...not all heroes have super powers (well not ones that other people would notice)...not all heroes get things right all the time...and not all super heroes think they are heroes at all.  Most of the time the biggest heroes are the ones who have no idea that they were someone's biggest hero and made an impact that will last a lifetime.

My hero was a man who loved with a passion that was unparalleled.  He loved his sweetheart with every fiber of his being.  He stood up, unashamedly, for what he felt was right even when no one else agreed.  He was a fierce protector of the ones he loved and wasn't afraid of anything...at least not anything I can ever remember.  He was my biggest cheerleader and never hesitated to tell me he loved me.  He taught me all the important things like how to play every card game known to man, how to play boggle, how a man should love a woman in the way he loved my sweet Sally Faye.  
The one thing he taught me that I would have rathered not had to learn is how much you miss someone when they are gone.  Nine years ago today was the last time I heard his voice...it was the last time I kissed his face...the last time he told me he loved me.  I will never forget that day...I really think my heart stopped when that doctor walked into that waiting room and told us that he didn't make it through his heart surgery.  I remember like it was yesterday thinking that it was a nightmare and that I would surely wake up to him sitting at the kitchen table with the breakfast that my grandmother made for him every morning without fail while he sat and did his crossword puzzle.  I would wake up from this nightmare and he would be waiting for me to come over and play cards or watch Friends with him.  I would wake up and we would laugh and talk about all of his crazy adventures.  I would wake up and listen to him tell stories of his wild and crazy days.  I would wake up and hear him tell me what a sweet precious baby I was and how much he loved me from the first day.  This couldn't be our new reality.  How would we ever be able to make a life that didn't include him...didn't include our hero...didn't include his crazy antics...didn't include his adventurous stories...didn't include his unconditional and unparalleled love.  

But unfortunately it wasn't a nightmare...well it was, but it wasn't the kind of nightmare that I was ever going to wake up from.  This nightmare was going to have to somehow become my new normal.  A new normal in which my hero wasn't here to wrap his arms around me when I was hurting...wrap his arms around me when there was reason to celebrate...laugh with me...love my babies with me...recreate my favorite childhood memories with my littles in the exact ways he had created some of the greatest moments with me when I was their age.  I remember how incredibly sad I was...bone crushingly sad...sad for me...sad for my girls...sad for my mom and aunts...but mostly heart wrenching sad for my sweet Sally Faye. I was losing my hero, but she was losing a part of her soul.  

Theirs was a love that knew no bounds.  It was a love that was real and authentic.  They didn't always do everything right, and there were many ups and downs, but in the end all that mattered was that they shared a love that endured a lifetime.  When I look at my sweet Dennie I can only hope that we experience a lifetime of the kind of love that my grandmother and granddaddy shared in their 50 years of marriage.  

My hero...Charles Allen Blaich...was a man's man.  He was a man who loved his family and protected them with a fierce passion.  He never viewed himself as a hero...as a matter of fact he was the first to point out all of his flaws, but he will forever be my hero.  I love and miss him immensely and I know that he is in heaven telling stories and playing cards waiting for us to join him there.  

I love you granddaddy...you will forever be the wind beneath my wings!

Did you ever know you're my hero?

You're everything I wish I could be

I could fly higher than an eagle

For you are the wind beneath my wings!

Charles Allen Blaich

11/1/33--3/22/07

Faithful...

Faithful...
Thank the Lord that He is faithful even in my lacking.  He continues to show up even when this sinner girl doesn't.  That faithfulness is what drives me back to His side time after time...striving to come back to Him free of shame and guilt, but instead with hope and redemption!  Isn't that a novel idea.  The idea that I am flawed, I will make mistakes, and even still I have a Father in heaven that LOVES me for me and is ever present!  
Today I opened my absolutely beautiful Naptime Diaries Lent devotional...now granted I should have done that over a month ago, but once again I let the excess get in the way...but as always my sweet Lord is forgiving and graceful and allows me to make mistakes and redeem me in the process.  Today I opened this book and not only did this beautiful picture fill my view but the precious words of God's truth filled my heart.  Hebrews 3:1-6 is what graced the top of the page and in the most beautiful way the Lord spoke right to my heart.  He said you are my house daughter...fill my house with my words, my ways, and fix your thoughts on me. He again confirmed for me that my victory is in Him and He has already won the battle.  In these quiet spaces I prayed that God would remove the excess and focus my heart and mind on Him.  The distractions, the sin, the self gratification, the pride...everything that has absolutely no place in God's house needs to swept out like yesterday's dirt and forgotten...blown away with the wind.  
We live in a culture of excess...a culture of the next big thing without any regard for collateral damage or who else it glorifies other than ourselves.  We are made in His image and nothing about our Sovereign God is selfish so why do we continue to pursue these lies.  Because we are flawed...because through our weakness and subsequent redemption He gets all the glory...and let me tell you with this selfish Jesus girl He gets ALL the glory.  If left up to my own devices I am a HOT MESS.  Thankfully I recognized that and even though I slip and fall I ALWAYS get back up and keep going forward...and not by my own strength...no with that weakness I wouldn't get back up off that dirty floor...with strength only possessed through Him and Him alone I march on.  I march on with the glorious knowledge that MY VICTORY is in HIM!  Just as my beautiful Lent devotional only contains God's words at the top of each page, my continued redemption only relies on one thing...GOD'S GRACE.  The cross is bigger than anything this world, the enemy, or this sinner girl will ever bring to the table.  Live in that freedom friends!

Psalm 46:5
God is in the midst of her, she will not be moved.  He will help her when morning comes.   

Some days you just have to go buy yourself flowers...

Today I went and bought flowers and I went on an afternoon walk with my husband and just soaked in all the ways God has so blessed me.  Today, like more times than I can now count, my heart just crumbled into pieces for a precious momma as she released her baby into the arms of Jesus.  It made me really think about a lot.  Mostly that there is beauty in all things.  There is even beauty in the things that completely break our hearts.  This beauty may not be immediately visible and sometimes it just looks like dirt, but then all of a sudden our sweet grace filled God turns that dirt into what feeds a seed to become a beautiful flower.  When all we could see was nasty brown dirt God sees the circumstances necessary to grow a beautiful flower.  The seed that is rooted in that dirt needs love and care...it needs an environment to foster its growth...it needs the dirt to be tended to and watered...it needs for the gardener to recognize that what lies around it is more than just dirt...it's all the ingredients necessary to take that just plain nasty dirt and turn it into a beautiful flower.  

Truly over these last several years this is what the Lord has continued to show me...these circumstances both sad and beautifully precious all in the same breath are what have made this undeniable passion in my soul continue to grow for this sacred work I'm blessed to be a witness to.  In these sacred spaces...in the crumbled pieces of my heart God has planted and tended to a seed that I know will continue to grow and show the beauty of His grace and mercy.  Through His own sacrifice and death we see that as clearly as the sun that shines everyday, and just as the sun is necessary for a flower to grow...Jesus is necessary for our hearts to be whole.  During these days when my heart crumbles to the floor for a precious momma and tears flow on to my pillow I know that my God has a purpose.  I may never know that purpose while my eyes still see the sun, but I know when I see my Savior's face all the answers I ever needed will be right there shining back at me...until then the promise of beautiful flowers brought out of ugly dirt is all I need to know He is Soverign and His plan is divine.  

“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”  John 16.33

Obedience

I have been sitting on this blog post for a while now.  I wasn't exactly sure how to put my feelings down on paper...so I waited...and waited...and waited.  It's funny how the realization of how my waiting for just the right words was keeping any words from coming out at all.  Isn't this our way as perfectionist and doubters of our abilities.  We wait and wait and wait until we feel like every thing is neat and tidy and perfect before we actually do anything.  When HELLO nothing will ever be just right or perfect except what God calls us to do.  Everything through Him is perfect.  We may not execute it perfectly, but that's okay because newsflash He already knows how we will execute His commands on our lives...He kind of knows all in case we were wondering.  So here I sit in this familiar place, only lately, of obedience.  But my goodness how God has shown up...shown up BIG TIME!  I think somewhere deep down in that place of complete faith...that I like to bury with my stuff...I knew He would show up.  I knew He had plans for me...plans to prosper me...not to harm me...plans to use me for His glory and all I had to do was be obedient.  
I like to think that I have always been an obedient child.  The little girl in this picture who adored her beautiful momma always wanted to please.  She cried at the drop of a hat at the mere mention that she didn't do something that made other people happy.  She was always striving to do things that were expected and good and pleasing.  Not much has changed except that I am now striving to do things that are pleasing and satisfactory to Him and not to the world.   Whoa the freedom in that statement.  I don't have to do what is expected or normal...and lots of times God's calling isn't normal or expected...I just have to do what is pleasing in His eyes and listen obediently to His calling.  The biggest blessing is HE KNOWS ME...intimately...without me having to prove a single thing.   He knows I am not perfect and yet He loves me even more....He knows I may not get it right all of the time...okay most of the time...but He loves me even more.  He absolutely knows that He will always get the glory when I accomplish anything and so He should because with Him ALL things are possible!  We just have to step out in faith, and most importantly, obedience.  
About a month ago I took His not so gentle calling and jumped off the cliff.  I walked away from my job that I loved and had faith to walk in obedience toward a new adventure.  My hope has been that through this new adventure that any success that comes my way He will get the glory.  We know as children that when we are obedient we are rewarded.  That reward may not be a toy or candy or anything physical, but hopefully the reward is approval and love for our obedience.  I think the same is true with God.  Our obedience may not result in a big pay raise or accolades from other professionals, but we always have the heart reward of knowing that the things we do in obedience for the Lord will shine His light and His glory for others to see.  It will be a view into the loving and graceful God we serve.  At the end of the day what more could we ask for.  Sometimes though we do have tangible rewards.  God shows up in very tangible ways and blows our socks off.  
It doesn't take talking to me about my career long to know that I am very passionate about Hospice and Palliative Care.  The difference this care model makes in the lives of patients and families is without measure...when done the right way.  (Insert soap box)  I won't bore you with those details, but God knows His girl.  He knew that my heart was filled with a passion to bring His love and compassion into what I do for my profession.  I 110% believe that God put this calling on my life to make sure more patients and families, both young and old, are receiving this care during the most fragile times in their lives.  So in my obedience to Him He has blessed me beyond measure.  I got to go into a skilled nursing facility, nursing home for lack of a better term, yesterday and meet their administrative staff.  Our team wanted to make introductions and set up a time to come and fellowship with their staff and talk about how we could best serve their patients.  As we walked in there was a precious woman sitting in a wheelchair out on the front porch taking advantage of the beautiful Charleston weather.  I leaned down and greeted her and she gave me the biggest and sweetest smile I had seen all day.   It was truly God's way of saying you are obedient and pleasing in my eyes and I have you right where I want you.  
Sometimes the leap is big and the canyon seems too wide to ever be able to clear, but God will always show up.  He will always lift us over the canyon in our obedience for the leap.  

Luke 11:28
He replied, "Blessed rather are those who hear the word of God and obey it."