Bloggin' It

Wednesday, July 3, 2019

Midnight ramblings of the DNP student:

Midnight ramblings of the DNP student:
This is such an interesting conversation for me. My identified specialty has been hospice and palliative care for the last 7 years, and 5 years of that has been pediatric hospice and palliative care. This discussion around quality of life, suffering, and futility is one that I am definitely passionate about. I started my nursing career as a neonatal intensive care nurse. To say that futility was very present in my practice was an understatement. I can remember at the early onset of my career being very aware that it cost around 4,000 dollars a day just for the bed space that the premature infant that I was caring for occupied. I never thought twice about that then. Now I think long and hard, and it has more to do with the loss of quality of life versus the cost of that bed space.
As someone who has had many discussions with patients and families around quality of life and goals of care I would absolutely advocate for the fact that quality of life is an individual perception. I have practiced throughout my hospice career asking the question, "what is important to you?" or "what are you hoping for?" The surprising part is that the answer is not usually what we as providers expect. It is not usually the patient saying, "a cure," or "not to die," but that they want to be free from suffering or they want their loved one to be okay. It is that they want to make it to a milestone like a birthday or graduation. The issue that we have as a healthcare industry is that we quit including our patients in the conversation. We quit being honest and respecting autonomy in the name of protecting our patients and families from the hard conversations. The reality is that we are protecting ourselves because these conversations are hard. I tell my students way more than they want to hear several things. The first thing is that we don't own our patient's hope. It is our role to give them factual information to aid them in making informed decisions about their own healthcare. They are going to continue to hope regardless of the factual information we give them, because hope is individual and personal. The second aspect is that these conversations improve outcomes, not hinder them. If we don't give our patients the information they need to make informed decisions they will continue to follow a path that may induce suffering and hinder quality of life, the quality of life that they have left. Doing all of the things does not automatically equal doing all of the right things for that patient. Futility leads to suffering and burden which is exactly what we aim to save our patients from. The 60 minutes documentary illustrated this truth beautifully.
https://youtu.be/F6xPBmkrn0g
(And by the way this 60minutes was in 2010...we haven't gained much traction in 9 years which is heartbreaking to me)
"We need to refocus our efforts toward end-of-life care so that we can better identify the needs of patients with advanced illness, and then offer intensive treatment when patients want it, help enable a more peaceful death when they don’t, and learn how to manage that transition" (Jha, 2018, p. 631).

THIS IS MY PASSION...
In a semester in which I was questioning what I was doing this discussion post came at just the right time. Talk about the hard stuff...it is worth more than you'll ever know.
#midnightdnpposts #passion #hpm #pedspal #mycalling


Reference
Jha, A. K. (2018). End-of-Life Care, Not End-of-Life Spending. Jama, 320(7), 631. doi:10.1001/jama.2018.11177

Monday, July 1, 2019

It's been a long time fam...

Tonight I came home from a typical day at work.  Dennie and I decided to go and do happy hour together around Park Circle...we love where we live.  We had some drinks at a Mexican restaurant and then we went and talked to some friends of ours that were out right by where we were for a couple of hours.  It was great.  We talked about everything under the sun and then about nothing at all.  Then I came home and immediately got a message from a former patient's mom on social media.  It was a gut punch.  Not because I didn't want to hear from her...but because it was an instant reminder of my past life.  That I miss...that were some of the best days of my life and in the same breath some of the worst.  I lost one of my most precious patients ever in just a couple of months from now.  I remember because I was on vacation this very week while I was getting messages constantly that my colleagues didn't know if he would make it before I got back.  I remember distinctly praying that he would wait for me.  Selfishly wait for me to get back to be able to be present.  Be present for the hours...minutes...moments before he passed from this existence to the next.  Was that selfish...YES...but unselfishly I had been there...I had been there for the appointments....the difficult conversations...the moments that defined a trajectory...selfishly I wanted to finish our journey together.  And guess what...that is exactly what I got.  Like so many times before he surprised me...he pushed through...instead of July it was January...just like Erik to push it beyond anyone's expectations..."that's what she said" was his favorite saying and that is just what he proved between July to January..."that's what she said," NOPE, "that's what he said."  HE SAID he would do it in his own time...he did just that!  That is why I cried tonight.  I cried because he waited...I cried because I was present....I cried because I see in these present hurried days that presence is few and far between and I.need.to.do.better!  Better for me...better for Erik...better for my future self.  The end.  Here's to the present 💔💗 Thank you Erik for teaching me to be present...in everything 💕💕💕