Strength

As I sit here today to read my bible and do my devotional in my favorite spot all of the memories flood my mind.  This was the spot that I would play cards...have story telling marathons...eat...talk endlessly...or just sit with my granddaddy and soak up his love and strength.  Lord knows the ache I have in my heart and how much I miss him everyday.  Yesterday celebrating Madie's 17th birthday made me really think about how it has been 9 birthdays for her without him.  He passed away on March 22, 2007 and for our little family hers was the first birthday we celebrated without him.  When I am in this lake house I can really feel him here.  I woke up at about 2am this morning overwhelmed by his presence...I know it was him letting me know that just because I can't see him doesn't mean he isn't here.   He has been here for all 9 of those birthdays...even if he's not physically here he is always in our thoughts and hearts.  Thinking about how much I love my granddaddy and how much strength just his presence provided me with really made me think about my heavenly Father.  Truly it's the same on such a scale that my heart and mind could never even comprehend it really.  This morning I turned straight to Philippians 4:13 and how appropriate.  "I can do all things through him who strengthens me."  Just as my granddaddy served as a source of strength when he was physically here and still when he is here only in my heart, my sweet Father is just the same and so much more.  He is here...He is present...He is passionate about me...His girl...His daughter...
How much more could I ever ask for?  In these quiet moments spent with Him I feel His love, His strength and His ever constant presence.  
#philippians413 #mystrength 

Living requires breathing

Breathing is something we do everyday without a second thought, yet it is vital to life.  The breaths that fill our lungs give us life and sustain us.  It's necessary whether we ever think about it or not.  What if each breath we took depended on our thought...our intentional thought about each breath...its purpose and importance.  How long would we survive?

I've been thinking a lot about these seasons that we pass through...am I intentional with these moments that pass like breaths?  What importance do I place on them...importance like the vital breaths I take to live?  It's so easy to just allow them to pass by without even a fleeting thought just as it is with these precious breaths of life.  I want to chose to be intentional.  I want to chose to recognize the importance of each moment....the role these moments play in this grand scheme that God has for my life.  God has been heavy on my heart for this.  Heavy on my heart to have faith, be still, and breathe in these moments.  

So this has brought about the questions...what is taking up these breaths?  What things and people are occupying my days?  Is this what God would have me filling these moments with?  How do I accomplish this intentional living while being what I think I need to be to those around me?  

So this brings choices...choices that are hard and choices that are easier...but choices that are necessary.  My prayer is that the choices are make about this intentional time glorify Him and Him alone. 

One thing I know is that these precious red headed girls and my Dennie need me.  They need my intentional time...they need my love and attention.  So some things are going to have to take a less prominent space in my life.  And in the end it'll all be alright.  In the prophetic words of Trace Atkins...I don't want to miss this when I'm gone!  Can I get an amen!

Psalm 90:12 

Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.

Sometimes you blink and you're almost 38

I mean 38's not old...really it's not even close compared to my sweet Sally Faye who turned 83 on July 14th.  The years that have flown by just boggle my mind.  How does it happen...how is it that one moment you're 18 and getting ready to enter college and then you're almost 38 and have a daughter who will be a senior in a matter of weeks?  It just doesn't make sense.  It makes me feel blessed and sad all in the same breath.  It makes me wonder what were the parts that I didn't cherish enough...what parts did I allow to slip through my fingers not knowing how really precious they were?  I especially think about this now that my own children are getting older but also because the people I love most are getting older.  My precious grandmother turning 83...my brothers are no longer children...they are grown men with lives and families and bringing their own precious babies into this world.  Yesterday I sat and loved on our sweet Ivy and thought about how much I couldn't wait for her daddy to come into this world...I reflected on the precious moments that I got to hold our sweet baby Charlie and how even though we will never get to love on him again here on earth he will forever be in our hearts and waiting for us in heaven.  I'm sure our precious granddaddy...his namesake...is telling him all kinds of stories right now as they wait for us to join the fun.   It's hard to think about how quickly time flies in one breath and in the next I'm so ready to see those sweet faces that have gone ahead of me.  Time waits for no one...it marches on and continues whether we are ready or not.  

In this busy season of my life the Lord has been heavy on my heart to rest and reflect.  What is the pace for...is it for Him...does He get the glory?  The truth is if He doesn't then why am I letting any time slip through my hands for it?  I truly believe God brings this reflection so that we do live intentionally for Him and His purpose and not our own.  I want my precious girls to always see that their momma did all she did for them and for Him.  If I'm not fulfilling that then what am I fulfilling?  Is it worth the time that is so quickly slipping through my fingers.  

Lord today I pray for discernment, clarity and purpose.  Thank you for ALWAYS speaking right to my heart exactly when I need it most.  In the quiet still moments Father I long to only hear your voice.  Thank you for the clarity that comes with that.  May your plan always be all that I seek and only for your glory!

Psalm 86:12

I will give thanks to You, O Lord my God, with all my heart, And will glorify Your name forever.

Praying for Perry

Behind every dark cloud there is a silver lining of hope!

Gosh there have been so many thoughts going through my head these last several days.  There has been turmoil in our nation and in our state.  There has been division and disappointment.  There has been a searching for answers and explanation when sometimes there really just isn't any.  My thoughts though have been around the healing power of a sweet and holy God who loves us through all of our imperfections.  He loves us when we make the wrong choices...He loves us when we choose to base opinions and blame on everything but love...He loves us when we fall short...in fact He doesn't just love us...He carries us.
I was especially struck this week by the overwhelming grief that has gripped our nation.  From the tragedy in Dallas to the senseless acts of violence in Louisiana and Minnesota we are hurting...we are grieving...and we are looking for healing in all of the wrong places.  We are depending on retaliation and earthly judgement for our healing when really what our nation needs is the One True Healer...Jesus Christ.  Our God is the ultimate healer.  He longs to wrap His loving arms around us and heal our grief...soothe our broken hearts.  We all fall short, but where we fall the most short is in not seeking Him above all else.  This is what I will pray for our nation and this world is that we solely seek Him and His divine healing powers above all else.  No march...no earthly unification...no singling out what lives matter versus another will ever bring us to the eternal healing that only Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior, will bring.  He calls us to do all things in love...period...nothing else...follow Him and do all things through a loving heart.  Let's break that down.  Do you think that any act of violence...any mass shooting...any profiling whether based on race or choice of profession is ever done from a loving heart.  I boldly say NO...not the kind of loving peaceful heart that our God calls us to.  I choose to lay my battles at the feet of a God who is far mightier than me...who has already won and fought the battle...I choose Him and Him alone for all my earthly battles and friends there is more freedom in that than I could ever put into words.
The other thoughts that have been heavily occupying my mind this week is the struggle Perry Noble, his family, and New Spring Church have been going through.  Ugh my heart just breaks for all of them.  Perry is a good man...did he make mistakes...yes, but you give me one person that hasn't and I will drop the mic and walk away...newsflash...this mic isn't dropping anytime soon.  WE ALL FALL SHORT...EVERY.LAST.ONE.OF.US.  I am no better than Perry Noble, as a matter of fact, his struggle has made me take a long hard look at my own struggle.  I too find myself using alcohol to celebrate...to commiserate...to blow off a hard day...to "cope" with the day to day struggle of stress and life and everything that scurries through this constantly running mind on a day to day basis.  I have at times allowed it to impair my judgement....I have allowed it to occupy a space that I should have clearly asked the Lord to pour in to.  The difference is, thankfully for me, I don't head a successful multi-site huge mega church.  I get to live my sin in the shadows of anonymity...convincing myself that no one will ever be the wiser because instead of facing it head on I have learned to work around this "little" sinful habit of mine.  I don't think the consumption of alcohol is a sin...not in the least little bit...what I do believe is the sin is the excess...the allowing alcohol to take the place and fill the spot that only my God should fill.  That's all me...that's not the alcohol.  The alcohol didn't walk up to me at that dinner and persuade me to drink more than that one glass I should have...that's me...that's my conscious sinful choice.   There is where the microphone drops.  That.is.real.life.truth.  Perry Noble needs our prayers...I need prayer...many many people need our intercession on their behalf to a healing loving God.  I haven't attended New Spring, but I have people I love more than myself that have and have been changed forever because God used Perry Noble to show that even an imperfect servant is still a servant...God doesn't choose the most perfectly qualified disciples...He chooses the disciples that everyone is going to look at and say "yeah that has to be ALL God!"  It is all for His glory...every.last.bit!
So today I am praying for Perry...I am praying for his family...I am praying for New Spring Church...most importantly I am praying for all the people out there, myself included, who can recognize themselves in Perry Noble and are given the freedom to not live in fear of their sins being seen, but live in the knowledge of a loving healing God who longs for nothing more than to wrap us in His arms and tell us He loves us despite that sin.  

The take home is do EVERYTHING with a Jesus like loving heart.  The rest will all fall into place.  No judgement...no backs turned...

1 Corinthians 13:13  And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. 

Accomplishing it all through His strength

There are different kinds of gifts, but the same Spirit distributes them. There are different kinds of service, but the same Lord. There are different kinds of working, but in all of them and in everyone it is the same God at work (1 Corinthians 12:4-6).

If we allow other people to tell us what we are and are not qualified to do, we will limit what God wants to do through us.

Why? Because ...

Those God calls, He qualifies!

If we are going to forge new paths, unleash new ideas and create new pipelines, then we must trust God to qualify us for the purpose to which He has called us. Today, don’t limit yourself by your ability; ask God to give you His!

This devotional spoke volumes to me this morning.  Ellie's passing has been heavy on my heart.  When I think of Ellie I think of a woman who allowed God to use her exactly where He wanted her.  It never had a thing to do with her own ambition but truly came from a servant heart that longed to fulfill God's purpose in serving others.  What a testimony.  

Being at the Optum conference this week, mourning Ellie, and allowing people who don't deserve space in my head to occupy valuable space has ignited a renewed fire and passion for what I know God has laid on my heart.  There are two God given people in my life right now that are His conduit for that passion.  

Palliative care and pediatric patients effected by chronic complex conditions are those two passions and desires in my heart.  I know that God has put the three of us together not by chance but for a purpose.  (I actually think there are many purposes and I can't tell you how much I value these two blessings in my life both professionally and personally.  I thank God for that everyday.  I hope they know how much I'm humbled by them for having an open heart and allowing Him to use them in my life.)

Here are two things I know.  Pediatrics and palliative care will be on my trajectory again.  It will look different and take me to places outside of this beautiful state but it will happen and I know that through His purpose it will develop into a national center of excellence to make sure that every child and palliative care patient gets the services necessary to make their trajectory the best it can be. This won't happen because of anything we do, but because God will allow it to happen and we will be willing servants to humbly have His work to happen through us.  It will happen not to prove a point, but because there are precious children and families who are not being served otherwise.  

The same is true for palliative care.  I wholeheartedly believe that palliative care is the gateway (the flood gate) to raising awareness and a comfort level for hospice care.  I saw it with what I was blessed to do with my previous job.  When we rolled out palliative care the amount of patients and families we served literally quadrupled.  Literally quadrupled...God lit that path with beams of light...He was ALL OVER that and through His guidance and grace we served so many families and patients even when personally I was falling completely apart.  

That is the other piece of this that I know so well.  The devil works hard.  He works hard to kill, steal, and destroy.  He works hard to have us focus on anything other than God's purpose and plan.   

Today this devotional provided me a new piece of wood for that fire.  The Lord used it to speak that last sentence to my heart...deep to the core...Today, don't limit yourself by your ability; ask God to give you His!

We are called according to His purpose....and therefore all things (all things...good, bad, all dem) work together for GOOD!   What we have before  us is His...it is to have a servant heart...it is to use His strength and accomplish amazing things for HIS GLORY and nothing less!  

#renewedpassionandpurpose #godgivenstrength #toHimbetheglory

Humility

It never ceases to amaze me how well my Father knows me.  He knows exactly what I need to hear, exactly when I need to hear it.  Of course He does...I'm His...he formed me before anyone even knew I would exist.  He knows the workings of my mind...the ones I wouldn't even let my closest loves know...the weaknesses and the places I struggle...the many places that I fall short.  Yet He loves me and pursues me anyway.   He loves me enough to put His words in front of me at the moment when I need them most.  

I need a message of humility today.  I need to remember that all things good come from Him.  I needed to be reminded that I'm not the savior...He is.  Anything that I accomplish is because of Him...because of His grace.  In reading my devotion today...which I haven't done in a month and a week... He beautifully painted a picture of His humble example. The Father of creation humbly sent His only son to come to earth and live among men.  He came not as an earthly king, but as a teacher...as a servant...He looked for ways to serve the least of these...and He did it in a way that illustrates the true heart of Christ.  Paul's letter to the Philippians so eloquently spoke of Christ's example of humility.  Paul speaks of how through love and the Holy Spirit that dwells within us that we should do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit.  In humility we should count others more significant than ourselves.  In verses 2:5-8 Paul writes, "have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men.  And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross."

Just reading these words again as I write this blog humbles me.  So many things about that passage pierce my soul.  He is the son of God...SON.OF.GOD...yet when he took on human form and he came as a servant.  He.came.to.serve!  He didn't come to be served.  He wasn't selfish...he wasn't out for personal gain...he didn't tell everyone how amazing he was...he made sure everyone knew how amazing his Father was.  He knew his purpose for his Father and he did whatever it took...to the point of death...to fulfill that purpose.  

So yeah...microphone dropped.  

Who am I...

I am a wife...I am a momma...I am a daughter...granddaughter...niece...sister...friend...nurse...BUT no matter any of these titles I am a daughter of The King.  

I say that with the desire to have humility...not self righteousness...not entitlement but true humility.  He loves me.  He loves me however many times I don't make the right choice...however many times I lose my way because I am not focused on Him.  

I have been talking lately a lot about the struggle being real but you know what...it's really not.  I am His...He is capable of immeasurably more than all I could ask or imagine...the end...there's no struggle there...just a whole lot of love, truth, and grace...abundant grace.  

Thank you Lord for that simple and overwhelming truth.  You are a GOOD GOOD FATHER!

#humility #lovetheLordwithallyouare #grace

Reflections of God's Calling

We often wonder what is our purpose...what are we doing with our time here...

I knew several years ago that truly God had a calling on my life that I would have never had guessed.  I knew that I was meant to care for the ones who were suffering...I was meant to play a part in easing that suffering and to prayerfully  shine the light of His grace and glory even through pain and hopelessness.   There have been times that I have questioned...why me...why would you chose me Lord...I am so flawed and so prideful at times.   Why would you chose this flawed women to play any part in the story of families who are aching and hurting and longing for purpose in a story that so strongly reflects dire pain and agony?  This is where faith comes in...faith in a purpose so much bigger than me...so much more than anything I could ask or imagine.  I have humbly walked alongside parents who have watched their precious babies be welcomed into the arms of a Savior in heaven.  They have cradled and cried...they have embraced gratitude in the face of the release from suffering.  This is grace...this is love...this is faith...this is a love beyond all understanding.   

I often stand in the early morning hours and stare at my girls.  I stare at them sleeping and think how blessed am I?  What did I do?  The reality is I didn't do anything.  I was blessed.  There are many times that I have stood in that sacred space with a family that is releasing their child into the arms of our savior and wondered...what makes them different?  Why them...why not me?  There isn't an answer.   This is where belief in God's divine plan comes into play.  He knows...He knows what I cannot even begin to wrap my head around.  So in this reflection of a calling I say thank you....thank you for allowing me to occupy the space.   Thank you for trusting me...thank you for trusting Him.  You...your sweet precious angel...your family...your story has impacted me more than I could ever express.  So a simple thank you is all I have.  

#blessedandthankful #calling #morethanaprofession #hpm

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