Faithful...

Faithful...
Thank the Lord that He is faithful even in my lacking.  He continues to show up even when this sinner girl doesn't.  That faithfulness is what drives me back to His side time after time...striving to come back to Him free of shame and guilt, but instead with hope and redemption!  Isn't that a novel idea.  The idea that I am flawed, I will make mistakes, and even still I have a Father in heaven that LOVES me for me and is ever present!  
Today I opened my absolutely beautiful Naptime Diaries Lent devotional...now granted I should have done that over a month ago, but once again I let the excess get in the way...but as always my sweet Lord is forgiving and graceful and allows me to make mistakes and redeem me in the process.  Today I opened this book and not only did this beautiful picture fill my view but the precious words of God's truth filled my heart.  Hebrews 3:1-6 is what graced the top of the page and in the most beautiful way the Lord spoke right to my heart.  He said you are my house daughter...fill my house with my words, my ways, and fix your thoughts on me. He again confirmed for me that my victory is in Him and He has already won the battle.  In these quiet spaces I prayed that God would remove the excess and focus my heart and mind on Him.  The distractions, the sin, the self gratification, the pride...everything that has absolutely no place in God's house needs to swept out like yesterday's dirt and forgotten...blown away with the wind.  
We live in a culture of excess...a culture of the next big thing without any regard for collateral damage or who else it glorifies other than ourselves.  We are made in His image and nothing about our Sovereign God is selfish so why do we continue to pursue these lies.  Because we are flawed...because through our weakness and subsequent redemption He gets all the glory...and let me tell you with this selfish Jesus girl He gets ALL the glory.  If left up to my own devices I am a HOT MESS.  Thankfully I recognized that and even though I slip and fall I ALWAYS get back up and keep going forward...and not by my own strength...no with that weakness I wouldn't get back up off that dirty floor...with strength only possessed through Him and Him alone I march on.  I march on with the glorious knowledge that MY VICTORY is in HIM!  Just as my beautiful Lent devotional only contains God's words at the top of each page, my continued redemption only relies on one thing...GOD'S GRACE.  The cross is bigger than anything this world, the enemy, or this sinner girl will ever bring to the table.  Live in that freedom friends!

Psalm 46:5
God is in the midst of her, she will not be moved.  He will help her when morning comes.   

Some days you just have to go buy yourself flowers...

Today I went and bought flowers and I went on an afternoon walk with my husband and just soaked in all the ways God has so blessed me.  Today, like more times than I can now count, my heart just crumbled into pieces for a precious momma as she released her baby into the arms of Jesus.  It made me really think about a lot.  Mostly that there is beauty in all things.  There is even beauty in the things that completely break our hearts.  This beauty may not be immediately visible and sometimes it just looks like dirt, but then all of a sudden our sweet grace filled God turns that dirt into what feeds a seed to become a beautiful flower.  When all we could see was nasty brown dirt God sees the circumstances necessary to grow a beautiful flower.  The seed that is rooted in that dirt needs love and care...it needs an environment to foster its growth...it needs the dirt to be tended to and watered...it needs for the gardener to recognize that what lies around it is more than just dirt...it's all the ingredients necessary to take that just plain nasty dirt and turn it into a beautiful flower.  

Truly over these last several years this is what the Lord has continued to show me...these circumstances both sad and beautifully precious all in the same breath are what have made this undeniable passion in my soul continue to grow for this sacred work I'm blessed to be a witness to.  In these sacred spaces...in the crumbled pieces of my heart God has planted and tended to a seed that I know will continue to grow and show the beauty of His grace and mercy.  Through His own sacrifice and death we see that as clearly as the sun that shines everyday, and just as the sun is necessary for a flower to grow...Jesus is necessary for our hearts to be whole.  During these days when my heart crumbles to the floor for a precious momma and tears flow on to my pillow I know that my God has a purpose.  I may never know that purpose while my eyes still see the sun, but I know when I see my Savior's face all the answers I ever needed will be right there shining back at me...until then the promise of beautiful flowers brought out of ugly dirt is all I need to know He is Soverign and His plan is divine.  

“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”  John 16.33

Obedience

I have been sitting on this blog post for a while now.  I wasn't exactly sure how to put my feelings down on paper...so I waited...and waited...and waited.  It's funny how the realization of how my waiting for just the right words was keeping any words from coming out at all.  Isn't this our way as perfectionist and doubters of our abilities.  We wait and wait and wait until we feel like every thing is neat and tidy and perfect before we actually do anything.  When HELLO nothing will ever be just right or perfect except what God calls us to do.  Everything through Him is perfect.  We may not execute it perfectly, but that's okay because newsflash He already knows how we will execute His commands on our lives...He kind of knows all in case we were wondering.  So here I sit in this familiar place, only lately, of obedience.  But my goodness how God has shown up...shown up BIG TIME!  I think somewhere deep down in that place of complete faith...that I like to bury with my stuff...I knew He would show up.  I knew He had plans for me...plans to prosper me...not to harm me...plans to use me for His glory and all I had to do was be obedient.  
I like to think that I have always been an obedient child.  The little girl in this picture who adored her beautiful momma always wanted to please.  She cried at the drop of a hat at the mere mention that she didn't do something that made other people happy.  She was always striving to do things that were expected and good and pleasing.  Not much has changed except that I am now striving to do things that are pleasing and satisfactory to Him and not to the world.   Whoa the freedom in that statement.  I don't have to do what is expected or normal...and lots of times God's calling isn't normal or expected...I just have to do what is pleasing in His eyes and listen obediently to His calling.  The biggest blessing is HE KNOWS ME...intimately...without me having to prove a single thing.   He knows I am not perfect and yet He loves me even more....He knows I may not get it right all of the time...okay most of the time...but He loves me even more.  He absolutely knows that He will always get the glory when I accomplish anything and so He should because with Him ALL things are possible!  We just have to step out in faith, and most importantly, obedience.  
About a month ago I took His not so gentle calling and jumped off the cliff.  I walked away from my job that I loved and had faith to walk in obedience toward a new adventure.  My hope has been that through this new adventure that any success that comes my way He will get the glory.  We know as children that when we are obedient we are rewarded.  That reward may not be a toy or candy or anything physical, but hopefully the reward is approval and love for our obedience.  I think the same is true with God.  Our obedience may not result in a big pay raise or accolades from other professionals, but we always have the heart reward of knowing that the things we do in obedience for the Lord will shine His light and His glory for others to see.  It will be a view into the loving and graceful God we serve.  At the end of the day what more could we ask for.  Sometimes though we do have tangible rewards.  God shows up in very tangible ways and blows our socks off.  
It doesn't take talking to me about my career long to know that I am very passionate about Hospice and Palliative Care.  The difference this care model makes in the lives of patients and families is without measure...when done the right way.  (Insert soap box)  I won't bore you with those details, but God knows His girl.  He knew that my heart was filled with a passion to bring His love and compassion into what I do for my profession.  I 110% believe that God put this calling on my life to make sure more patients and families, both young and old, are receiving this care during the most fragile times in their lives.  So in my obedience to Him He has blessed me beyond measure.  I got to go into a skilled nursing facility, nursing home for lack of a better term, yesterday and meet their administrative staff.  Our team wanted to make introductions and set up a time to come and fellowship with their staff and talk about how we could best serve their patients.  As we walked in there was a precious woman sitting in a wheelchair out on the front porch taking advantage of the beautiful Charleston weather.  I leaned down and greeted her and she gave me the biggest and sweetest smile I had seen all day.   It was truly God's way of saying you are obedient and pleasing in my eyes and I have you right where I want you.  
Sometimes the leap is big and the canyon seems too wide to ever be able to clear, but God will always show up.  He will always lift us over the canyon in our obedience for the leap.  

Luke 11:28
He replied, "Blessed rather are those who hear the word of God and obey it."

The path is winding but always right...

I have all the feelings...I have all the feelings after this week.  There have been so many things in this week that have totally wrecked my soul.  Wrecked it in a good way...wrecked it in a sad way....wrecked it in an exciting way...wrecked it for the beautiful life my sweet passionate God has blessed me with. 

In one week my sweet Sally Faye was on death's doorstep in the ICU, I started a new work adventure, I mourned leaving some of the best colleagues I have ever worked with, I was blessed to remember how wonderful my professional mentor is and why the leap of faith was so worth it, I got to spend precious moments welcoming home one of my favorite people on the planet with one of my sisters from another mister, and on top of all of that both of my sisters poured into me when I should have been pouring into them.   I would say that I have packed a lot in this little week....and I couldn't ask for more...my cup runneth over and over and over.  My goodness just writing that makes my mind spin.  My God is so good.  He is the perfect teacher and when we are obedient and still and walk the path He has so perfectly designed for us we are blessed beyond measure.  

Today I sat in church and listened to my pastor speak words to my heart directly from my Lord.  The words that were spoken today were exactly what He knew I needed to hear.  They were raw and poignant.  They cut to the heart of my struggle and added the sweet taste of redemption and truth that only my God can bring.  We are not meant to do this alone.  We are not meant to walk aimlessly along some benign path.  We are meant to do this life in community and the harder and messier it is the more beautiful it is for His glory.  All the winding, all the stops and go's, are always meant to glorify Him.  I couldn't do this life without Him and without my people that He has so strategically placed in my life.

On day one of my new work adventure the woman that I have come to regard as my mentor and truly my God send gave me the beautiful card in this picture.  The words that she wrote are private and meant to bless my soul so I won't share them...I need to keep them for me...but I will say that they meant more than I could ever express to her.  She had the audacity to thank me...thank me for what...for being obedient and knowing that she is a God send and that the Lord placed her in my life exactly when He knew I would need her, only to reappear in a big way when I needed her more than ever.  Well news flash, I have been thanking my sweet Lord for her for a long time and nothing will ever change about that.  She truly knows my heart and has my best interest in mind.  She knows the Lord and lives according to His purpose and I am so blessed to have her in my life.  She wouldn't have it any other way so for all of this I will give Him the glory.  

I will praise Him even when the times were hard and I was questioning all that was ahead of me.  I will praise Him when there are words and thoughts filling my mind that I know are not of Him.  I will praise Him when He gives me people in my life that love me...more importantly love Him...and speak truth to my soul.  God is so good...ALL OF THE TIME!  
I know that the path on this card may not always be what I expected, but it will always be perfect because I am His and He will ALWAYS be my navigational beacon!

Be still and know that I am God...

There are days when I feel so on fire for God...so wrapped up in His grace and glory.  On these days I do such an amazing job at not letting the devil settle in the cracks.  I march forward with the ever present sweet voice of my Lord in my ear and strive to shine His light with no dimmer on.  Yesterday the struggle was real.  I allowed words and thoughts to fill spaces that shouldn't be filled with anything other than glory and grace and Jesus...
As I go back and read this there are a lot of "I's" in those statements and it hits me like a brick wall that this is the problem.  I was relying on "I" instead of "Him" and that is when those cracks that I have tried to spackle are quickly filling with things that have no business ever occupying spaces anywhere in my existence.  So today I ask the Lord to give me the strength to gather up the spackle that only He can provide and cast that devil right out of those spaces.  I am so thankful for the intercession that He does on my behalf everyday.  He provides such clarity through my people and positions me right where I need to be and who I need to be with to have them speak His truth into my heart.  Last night as my people poured into me all I could think over and over was THANK YOU...thank you Lord for loving me, and knowing exactly what I needed to hear.  Thank you Lord for my people...thank you Lord for their fearless truth...thank you Lord for knowing the physical and emotional comfort that only they can provide....and thank you for clarity that only your lens could provide.  

Here is to renewed strength...the Lord's lens on my eyes...and my precious people that only He could provide in my life.  

Psalm 46:10
He says, "Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth."

Open handed faith...

There are so many words...so many words...worry, failure, uncertainty, change...the list could go on and on, but instead I choose to cast those words out...cast them far away from my reality.  My reality is firmly planted in open handed faith.  Faith in the fact that I know that my precious Lord has plans for me...plans to prosper me...not to harm me...and so with this open handed faith I move on.  I move on from my nice cozy existence into an uncomfortable change that will challenge me, strengthen me, and stretch me.  All of this would sound crazy and scary if I didn't know that my God has got this.  He has known about these changes long before I was even a blip on the map.  How can I argue with that?   I can't so I open my hands and have faith and pray and trust and know that all things work together for good.  He never said that all those things would be easy or comfortable...He never said they would all be beautiful or not messy, but what He did say is that He would go before us...He would prepare us a way, and ALL we have to do is have faith and come to Him.  He has been preparing me for these changes for quite a while now.  I can look back now and see that the soul work that He has been doing in me was all to prepare me.  I am so thankful that my God knows me the way He does and knew what I would need a lot of soul work to get me to this point in His kingdom work.

So now with this open handed faith I move on to where I feel He is calling me.  I walk away from an area professionally that I love and feel confident to move on to something unfamiliar and unknown.  I make space how He has provided a way to have the valuable time to be present where He is calling me to be present.  I am stepping out in faith to have Him work through me to be present in my church...present for my people...and use my professional skills in a different space.  If I relied on my own strength I would be under that quilt you see in this picture shaking like a leaf, but instead I rely on His ever present strength and know HE'S GOT THIS.  

I led my first small group in my women's group at church.  I prayed my way into that room.  I prayed my way through that night.  I prayed for God's words in my mouth...certainly not my own because we all know I love Jesus but cuss a little.  I prayed that He would sit the women at that table that He could use to strengthen me and me pour into them.  It was beautiful...way more than I could have ever asked or imagined...as usual.  It is such a perfect example of how obedience will always have treasures far greater than we could ever imagine.  Our part is easy...pray, listen, and just show up.  I have also been praying for God to fill the space that leaving my current professional role would undoubtedly leave, and of course He did.  I got the opportunity to serve in the special needs children's ministry at my church.  I knew that this opportunity would bless me so much more than I would be dishing out any blessings.   Did I mention that my sweet God is so good...because He is.  

So now I continue to pray and be obedient and listen and walk in the path that He calls me to.  On Thursday I said see ya later to some of my favorite people that I have been so blessed to work with.  I say see ya later professionally, but not personally.  That is the really amazing thing about the people who are my people...we may not do work together like before, but we continue to do life together.  So to my sweet peeps...you know I love you...you know we will be seeing each other...you know I wouldn't let you be done with me that easily...and we will be doing this work together again...I know it in my bones.  I pray everyday that God uses this time in my life to make me a better servant for Him so that I can only come out on the other side able to be a better servant and advocate for these precious patients we serve...whether little ones or big ones.  

Tomorrow I will walk into a new room with some familiar faces and some new faces too.  I walk into a new position for a new company.  I will allow God to use this time as a sabbatical for more soul work...and honestly I am so excited about this time.  Excited for what I am believing God for...excited for the growth work that I know He will do...excited for a new adventure.  

I just want to say thank you.  Thank you to my people for supporting me...thank you to my God for calling me...shaking me...and strengthening me during this season.  

GOD IS SO GOOD!!  

P.S.  Thank you grandmother for forgiving me and having grace about this tattoo!  I wanted an outward symbol of the faith that is tattooed on my heart!   Love you for loving me like Christ loves us :)

Sometimes it takes the hard days to make you realize how blessed you are...

Today I realized...okay I think I really already knew, but it was confirmed...how well my people love me.  They know I am not good at change...they know that I don't like walking away, even when it's the best thing to do.  They know what I need to hear...when I need to hear it, and they love me and pour into me and are just all around awesome. 

Today I told some people that I have had the pleasure of knowing for a little while, and some for a really long while, that I was making a big change and giving my soul some rest.  It wasn't an easy decision, and as a matter of fact it is likely a decision that I wouldn't have made for myself if not for the not so gentle nudging of the Lord.  I have felt for some time that He was calling me to take a rest, but of course He had to be patient with me and let me work through the idea.  This process has also confirmed for me that I serve a patient, but persistent God, who ALWAYS knows what is best for me.  I had questions...I had answers as to why this couldn't possibly be the best idea...and then like He always does He showed me that His way is the only way that makes sense, and if I just walk in obedience that He will always be there.   I thought that people would look at me like I had three heads when I told them that I was taking a break from a professional area that I am so passionate about.  I was sure they would say but you love this work...you're so passionate...you love these little people and their families...and they did say all of those things but they also said we want you to do what is best for you.  That's what the people who really matter do...they support you even when your choices sound crazy....even when it seems like the opposite of what you would normally do....they love you through it all.  
I have learned so much these last several months about being obedient...about truly listening and being open to His calling, even when it doesn't make sense to me...it's always right when it comes from Him.  I have prayed countless times for God's words in my mouth...His whispers in my ears...and His discernment for making the right decisions that are best for me and will ultimately glorify Him.  I know in the deepest parts of my soul that the Lord will always provide...the road may look different than the road I had in mind, but He will always be there to walk beside me and as long as I am obedient and follow His calling He will never lead me in the wrong direction.  He will also bless me with the people along the path that will support me and walk beside me.  
For all my people out there who listened today and took what I was saying and embraced this crazy new adventure...thank you...you are God's gift to me and I could never ask for more than your love and support.  You made a day that I was dreading turn into an affirming day of God's love and grace.  I am truly blessed beyond measure by you all!
#iamblessed #ihavesomegoodpeople #graceandlove #newadventuresontheway