Gifts

Who doesn't love gifts...I think most people are surprised to learn that my love language is actually not gifts.  Now I am not going to lie, I don't mind a good gift...especially ones that come in pretty little blue boxes with white ribbon...oh wait that's not the point of this post so let me not digress.  My love language is actually words of affirmation and time.  In this season of my life I have learned to get those cups filled with time spent in the word and letting my sweet Lord speak words of affirmation to me through that precious word.  I have been on a journey of finding a quiet place in my heart where I know my worth lies with Him and no where else.  There is such freedom in that.  I know that no matter how good the things I do in this world are, how great the accomplishments, I will never find a place with more solidified love then on that cross where the price was paid and the sin was washed away.  There is no better love language than that. 
But my Father knows me...He knows that I need people in my life that will take the time and make the investment to fill those as well.  He has given me some amazing women (and men...I won't leave my sweet Dennie out) who have blessed me personally and professionally...and many times a combination of the two.  In a season where I was trying to figure what it was God was calling me to next when my soul needed rest I was reminded of how well He loves me by placing me right where I need to be and who I need to be with.  He gave me Dennie right when I needed him those 22 years ago...He gave me Jena right when I needed her to be the sister I never had...He gave me my sweet Diane over 3 years ago to light a passion in my heart for hospice and more specifically pediatric hospice...then He brought her back to me when that fire needed to be lit again...and most recently He gave me a kindred spirit who knows the struggles of being a coach's wife and professional all in the same breath...someone to laugh with, pray with, drink really good wine with, and share a passion for a healthcare movement that more families and patients need access to.  Diane and Dawn Michele are two of the most dynamic women I have ever met.  They love their families, they love our Lord, and they love this work that we are so blessed to be a part of.  This sacred space that these families allow us to come into is a privilege and a blessing and I am humbled everyday to walk beside these two women and move those mountains through His strength and for His glory. 

These two women know my heart...they love so well through pruning and encouragement...they spur growth and maturity and I.am.so.thankful for them.  When I was questioning what I could bring to the table and feeling very defeated they wouldn't hear it.  They knew there was a passion and where there is passion there is a mission led  to a place without borders.  They are not overbearing...they don't micromanage...they chose athletes and stand back and watch them do what they know they are capable of doing with guidance when needed.  There is trust and respect...there is constructive feedback...there is truth spoken everyday without fear and there is love.  Not many people get to be so lucky to work with someone that they relate to on many different levels professionally and personally and I am forever grateful to a Father who knows what I need right when I need it.  

I am so thankful that I now know what it was the Lord was pulling my heart towards and that I was obedient and patient.  (I am not very good at those two things and it wasn't fun...but the payoff was ten fold.)

Diane has been my mentor from the moment I heard her story and passion surrounding hospice and palliative care.  I knew that she embodied what I wanted to be professionally.  She is driven...and not by the gain for herself...she is driven by what she can accomplish for others.  She loves like Jesus...she wants to see her "babies" succeed and she loves you through the pruning to make that happen.  She is the shoulder to cry on...the shove in the back you need...and the best teacher of lipstick application I.HAVE.EVER.SEEN!  I love her like she were my momma and I am so blessed to have her in my life.  God is so good!

Dawn Michele was the best surprise of them all.  I knew she was dynamic...I knew she was driven and smart...and I knew professionally I would learn so much from her.  What I didn't know...but HE knew was that on a personal level we would have so much in common.  We both love men who love football, we both love our girls passionately, we both love what we are blessed to do everyday fiercely, and we love our Lord with all of our heart and how much He loves us through all of our flaws.  Oh and we LOVE a good glass...okay bottle...of wine.  It has been so fun to learn who she is...where her heart is...and I am so thankful that my sweet Father loves me enough to know how much she would enrich my life.  I have never doubted how much He loves me...maybe thought a time or a thousand whether or not I deserved that love...but when I look at these precious people in my life there is no doubt that my sweet Father knows His girl and He loves me with a passion that has no comparison. 

Thank you Father for loving me...for knowing me...and for ALWAYS providing exactly what I need when I need it.  You are a good good Father!  May all the glory be yours and yours alone!


Philippians 4:19 And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus.


#mypeoplelovesowell #myGodalwaysprovidesabudantlymore #lovewhatyoudo

The give and take...

There is a lot of give and take in this life.  I have graciously been on the receiving end of those who have abundantly given love, time, resources, encouragement, and grace...lots and lots of grace.  I like to hope that I have paid that forward in developing a life of service.  A life that seeks to glorify a God who gave it all...a precious Father who without asking for anything but faith and belief in return have IT ALL!  And that's what I do...I have a belief that Jesus hung on that cursed tree to die for me...that He lives in my heart...and He will never forsake me.  So in these precious minutes I have on this earth I will wholly seek to follow His will for me...to have a servant heart like Jesus...and shine His light not because He needs me to, but because I long for that intimate relationship with Him.  

I have struggled recently with how to balance this life I love...knowing full well that there really is no balance.  This is a life of give and take...of abundance and sacrifice...of sometimes saying no to be able to say yes.  God has taken me on quite a journey to learn that lesson.  He has allowed me to feel abandoned to show me that He will never abandon me. He has been there when I felt abused and lead me through with His quite whispers of love and grace.  He has seen me rejoice in the love of the ones He gave me to do this life with and prompted me to recognize His glory in it all.  He has carried me through the times of loss and heartache and helped me see that I.am.never.alone.  He has guided me through academic and professional set backs and then achievements only to teach me more whole heartedly that He is always in the details.  He has brought me into a quiet and passionate relationship with Him through His word.  He has taught me that His word is the compass for my life...ALWAYS!  

No matter the give or take...the ups or downs...the heartache or the rejoicing that occurs in this life...He is the reason for the beauty in it all.  My favorite song right now is Good Good Father by Chris Tomlin.  That's what He is...He is the best daddy we could ever ask for and one day I can't wait to hug His neck and tell Him how thankful I am for who He is!  

#Jesusgirl #goodgoodFather #giveandtake #blessedandthankful

My ego is not my amigo

Pride is a hard thing to wrestle with.  It isn't always intentional and over this last year and half I have learned so much about pride...and the necessity of checking it at the door.  The lesson has been hard and uncomfortable and revealing and rewarding all at the same time.  The Lord has taught me that the famous Dennie McDaniel phrase, "Your ego is not your amigo," is truer than any words that funny man has ever spoken.  My ego is NOT my amigo...it gets me in big trouble and most of the time the trouble is within.  The real battle is in me because on one side of the battlefield  is my heart and the knowledge that my worth...my identity...my purpose is in Him...while on the other side of the battlefield is the enemy in my mind telling me that the disappointment and betrayal are worth fighting over...worth crying over...worth the doubt in my mind over what God is clearly calling me to...worth questioning the One who never forsakes me...the One who loves me despite that doubt and questioning and calls me daughter...who calls me His.  This is what that not so friendly ego gets me...tears, frustration, and doubt.  Who needs that....NOT THIS GIRL!  So instead I come into this war room and I open my battle plan...I open the book where the living breathing word of my sweet precious God is ever present and always ready with His best battle plan for that enemy.  Today when those feelings of frustration and doubt were crashing over me like angry ocean waves and the enemy was in my ear whispering the words that sink deep into the cracks of my soul where he knows my weaknesses are all I could concentrate on was that betrayal that cut so deep.  I couldn't hear my Father's patient sweet calling on my heart to surrender it all to Him.  I pulled into my driveway after being gone two days and all I wanted to do was get out of that car and go straight to this room.  What a blessing this war room is. The precious presence of my Father is felt here, and is exactly the space I needed to be able to clear the enemy's words from my mind.  As hot angry tears of frustration and disappointment streamed down my face I opened my bible and a business card fell out.  A couple of months ago when I was anxiously waiting in a Starbucks to give the news of my departure from my job to a man that I respected greatly a complete stranger walked up to me and said that it was heavy on his heart to give me this business card he had been carrying.  He said he felt the Lord clearly tell him that I needed to know...really know...the words on that card.  At the time I thought that the words on that card were meant for me to get through that day...to deliver that news that I had been anxiously waiting to give.  As usual the Lord knew when I would need those words...it wouldn't just be on that day.  It would be today.  He knew today I would need to see that card and remember that He is always there.  He always knows what I need when I need it.  He knew that today would come..He knew that those tears would fall...He knew that the enemy would be in my ear whispering his lies.  We have an ever knowing Father who loves us completely and knows us

as His child.  We only have to surrender it all to Him and He will deliver the words on the card.  He will deliver the words that our hurting heart needs to hear.  As it was that card fell out of the bible in the place it had been holding in the book of Colossians.  My eye immediately went to Colossians 3:1-17.  I want to end this entry with those words...the words that God delivered to the Colossians through Paul.  
Living as Those Made Alive in Christ

3 Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. 2 Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. 3 For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. 4 When Christ, who is your[a] life,appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.

5 Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature:sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry. 6 Because of these, the wrath of God is coming.[b] 7 You used to walk in these ways, in the life you once lived. 8 But now you must also rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander,and filthy language from your lips. 9 Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices 10 and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator.11 Here there is no Gentile or Jew, circumcised or uncircumcised,barbarian, Scythian, slave or free, but Christ is all, and is in all.

12 Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. 13 Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.14 And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.

15 Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. 16 Let the message of Christ dwell among you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom through psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit, singing to God with gratitude in your hearts. 17 And whatever you do,whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.

My prayer today is that you will all live as those made alive in Christ.  That is who we are!  We are alive because Christ is alive in us.  What a gloriously beautiful truth to settle in to today and everyday!

#notlookingback #sightsetonHim #Hispurposelivesinme #goodbyetothatego #aliveinHim

Heroes

Not all heroes wear capes...not all heroes have super powers (well not ones that other people would notice)...not all heroes get things right all the time...and not all super heroes think they are heroes at all.  Most of the time the biggest heroes are the ones who have no idea that they were someone's biggest hero and made an impact that will last a lifetime.

My hero was a man who loved with a passion that was unparalleled.  He loved his sweetheart with every fiber of his being.  He stood up, unashamedly, for what he felt was right even when no one else agreed.  He was a fierce protector of the ones he loved and wasn't afraid of anything...at least not anything I can ever remember.  He was my biggest cheerleader and never hesitated to tell me he loved me.  He taught me all the important things like how to play every card game known to man, how to play boggle, how a man should love a woman in the way he loved my sweet Sally Faye.  
The one thing he taught me that I would have rathered not had to learn is how much you miss someone when they are gone.  Nine years ago today was the last time I heard his voice...it was the last time I kissed his face...the last time he told me he loved me.  I will never forget that day...I really think my heart stopped when that doctor walked into that waiting room and told us that he didn't make it through his heart surgery.  I remember like it was yesterday thinking that it was a nightmare and that I would surely wake up to him sitting at the kitchen table with the breakfast that my grandmother made for him every morning without fail while he sat and did his crossword puzzle.  I would wake up from this nightmare and he would be waiting for me to come over and play cards or watch Friends with him.  I would wake up and we would laugh and talk about all of his crazy adventures.  I would wake up and listen to him tell stories of his wild and crazy days.  I would wake up and hear him tell me what a sweet precious baby I was and how much he loved me from the first day.  This couldn't be our new reality.  How would we ever be able to make a life that didn't include him...didn't include our hero...didn't include his crazy antics...didn't include his adventurous stories...didn't include his unconditional and unparalleled love.  

But unfortunately it wasn't a nightmare...well it was, but it wasn't the kind of nightmare that I was ever going to wake up from.  This nightmare was going to have to somehow become my new normal.  A new normal in which my hero wasn't here to wrap his arms around me when I was hurting...wrap his arms around me when there was reason to celebrate...laugh with me...love my babies with me...recreate my favorite childhood memories with my littles in the exact ways he had created some of the greatest moments with me when I was their age.  I remember how incredibly sad I was...bone crushingly sad...sad for me...sad for my girls...sad for my mom and aunts...but mostly heart wrenching sad for my sweet Sally Faye. I was losing my hero, but she was losing a part of her soul.  

Theirs was a love that knew no bounds.  It was a love that was real and authentic.  They didn't always do everything right, and there were many ups and downs, but in the end all that mattered was that they shared a love that endured a lifetime.  When I look at my sweet Dennie I can only hope that we experience a lifetime of the kind of love that my grandmother and granddaddy shared in their 50 years of marriage.  

My hero...Charles Allen Blaich...was a man's man.  He was a man who loved his family and protected them with a fierce passion.  He never viewed himself as a hero...as a matter of fact he was the first to point out all of his flaws, but he will forever be my hero.  I love and miss him immensely and I know that he is in heaven telling stories and playing cards waiting for us to join him there.  

I love you granddaddy...you will forever be the wind beneath my wings!

Did you ever know you're my hero?

You're everything I wish I could be

I could fly higher than an eagle

For you are the wind beneath my wings!

Charles Allen Blaich

11/1/33--3/22/07

Faithful...

Faithful...
Thank the Lord that He is faithful even in my lacking.  He continues to show up even when this sinner girl doesn't.  That faithfulness is what drives me back to His side time after time...striving to come back to Him free of shame and guilt, but instead with hope and redemption!  Isn't that a novel idea.  The idea that I am flawed, I will make mistakes, and even still I have a Father in heaven that LOVES me for me and is ever present!  
Today I opened my absolutely beautiful Naptime Diaries Lent devotional...now granted I should have done that over a month ago, but once again I let the excess get in the way...but as always my sweet Lord is forgiving and graceful and allows me to make mistakes and redeem me in the process.  Today I opened this book and not only did this beautiful picture fill my view but the precious words of God's truth filled my heart.  Hebrews 3:1-6 is what graced the top of the page and in the most beautiful way the Lord spoke right to my heart.  He said you are my house daughter...fill my house with my words, my ways, and fix your thoughts on me. He again confirmed for me that my victory is in Him and He has already won the battle.  In these quiet spaces I prayed that God would remove the excess and focus my heart and mind on Him.  The distractions, the sin, the self gratification, the pride...everything that has absolutely no place in God's house needs to swept out like yesterday's dirt and forgotten...blown away with the wind.  
We live in a culture of excess...a culture of the next big thing without any regard for collateral damage or who else it glorifies other than ourselves.  We are made in His image and nothing about our Sovereign God is selfish so why do we continue to pursue these lies.  Because we are flawed...because through our weakness and subsequent redemption He gets all the glory...and let me tell you with this selfish Jesus girl He gets ALL the glory.  If left up to my own devices I am a HOT MESS.  Thankfully I recognized that and even though I slip and fall I ALWAYS get back up and keep going forward...and not by my own strength...no with that weakness I wouldn't get back up off that dirty floor...with strength only possessed through Him and Him alone I march on.  I march on with the glorious knowledge that MY VICTORY is in HIM!  Just as my beautiful Lent devotional only contains God's words at the top of each page, my continued redemption only relies on one thing...GOD'S GRACE.  The cross is bigger than anything this world, the enemy, or this sinner girl will ever bring to the table.  Live in that freedom friends!

Psalm 46:5
God is in the midst of her, she will not be moved.  He will help her when morning comes.   

Some days you just have to go buy yourself flowers...

Today I went and bought flowers and I went on an afternoon walk with my husband and just soaked in all the ways God has so blessed me.  Today, like more times than I can now count, my heart just crumbled into pieces for a precious momma as she released her baby into the arms of Jesus.  It made me really think about a lot.  Mostly that there is beauty in all things.  There is even beauty in the things that completely break our hearts.  This beauty may not be immediately visible and sometimes it just looks like dirt, but then all of a sudden our sweet grace filled God turns that dirt into what feeds a seed to become a beautiful flower.  When all we could see was nasty brown dirt God sees the circumstances necessary to grow a beautiful flower.  The seed that is rooted in that dirt needs love and care...it needs an environment to foster its growth...it needs the dirt to be tended to and watered...it needs for the gardener to recognize that what lies around it is more than just dirt...it's all the ingredients necessary to take that just plain nasty dirt and turn it into a beautiful flower.  

Truly over these last several years this is what the Lord has continued to show me...these circumstances both sad and beautifully precious all in the same breath are what have made this undeniable passion in my soul continue to grow for this sacred work I'm blessed to be a witness to.  In these sacred spaces...in the crumbled pieces of my heart God has planted and tended to a seed that I know will continue to grow and show the beauty of His grace and mercy.  Through His own sacrifice and death we see that as clearly as the sun that shines everyday, and just as the sun is necessary for a flower to grow...Jesus is necessary for our hearts to be whole.  During these days when my heart crumbles to the floor for a precious momma and tears flow on to my pillow I know that my God has a purpose.  I may never know that purpose while my eyes still see the sun, but I know when I see my Savior's face all the answers I ever needed will be right there shining back at me...until then the promise of beautiful flowers brought out of ugly dirt is all I need to know He is Soverign and His plan is divine.  

“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”  John 16.33

Obedience

I have been sitting on this blog post for a while now.  I wasn't exactly sure how to put my feelings down on paper...so I waited...and waited...and waited.  It's funny how the realization of how my waiting for just the right words was keeping any words from coming out at all.  Isn't this our way as perfectionist and doubters of our abilities.  We wait and wait and wait until we feel like every thing is neat and tidy and perfect before we actually do anything.  When HELLO nothing will ever be just right or perfect except what God calls us to do.  Everything through Him is perfect.  We may not execute it perfectly, but that's okay because newsflash He already knows how we will execute His commands on our lives...He kind of knows all in case we were wondering.  So here I sit in this familiar place, only lately, of obedience.  But my goodness how God has shown up...shown up BIG TIME!  I think somewhere deep down in that place of complete faith...that I like to bury with my stuff...I knew He would show up.  I knew He had plans for me...plans to prosper me...not to harm me...plans to use me for His glory and all I had to do was be obedient.  
I like to think that I have always been an obedient child.  The little girl in this picture who adored her beautiful momma always wanted to please.  She cried at the drop of a hat at the mere mention that she didn't do something that made other people happy.  She was always striving to do things that were expected and good and pleasing.  Not much has changed except that I am now striving to do things that are pleasing and satisfactory to Him and not to the world.   Whoa the freedom in that statement.  I don't have to do what is expected or normal...and lots of times God's calling isn't normal or expected...I just have to do what is pleasing in His eyes and listen obediently to His calling.  The biggest blessing is HE KNOWS ME...intimately...without me having to prove a single thing.   He knows I am not perfect and yet He loves me even more....He knows I may not get it right all of the time...okay most of the time...but He loves me even more.  He absolutely knows that He will always get the glory when I accomplish anything and so He should because with Him ALL things are possible!  We just have to step out in faith, and most importantly, obedience.  
About a month ago I took His not so gentle calling and jumped off the cliff.  I walked away from my job that I loved and had faith to walk in obedience toward a new adventure.  My hope has been that through this new adventure that any success that comes my way He will get the glory.  We know as children that when we are obedient we are rewarded.  That reward may not be a toy or candy or anything physical, but hopefully the reward is approval and love for our obedience.  I think the same is true with God.  Our obedience may not result in a big pay raise or accolades from other professionals, but we always have the heart reward of knowing that the things we do in obedience for the Lord will shine His light and His glory for others to see.  It will be a view into the loving and graceful God we serve.  At the end of the day what more could we ask for.  Sometimes though we do have tangible rewards.  God shows up in very tangible ways and blows our socks off.  
It doesn't take talking to me about my career long to know that I am very passionate about Hospice and Palliative Care.  The difference this care model makes in the lives of patients and families is without measure...when done the right way.  (Insert soap box)  I won't bore you with those details, but God knows His girl.  He knew that my heart was filled with a passion to bring His love and compassion into what I do for my profession.  I 110% believe that God put this calling on my life to make sure more patients and families, both young and old, are receiving this care during the most fragile times in their lives.  So in my obedience to Him He has blessed me beyond measure.  I got to go into a skilled nursing facility, nursing home for lack of a better term, yesterday and meet their administrative staff.  Our team wanted to make introductions and set up a time to come and fellowship with their staff and talk about how we could best serve their patients.  As we walked in there was a precious woman sitting in a wheelchair out on the front porch taking advantage of the beautiful Charleston weather.  I leaned down and greeted her and she gave me the biggest and sweetest smile I had seen all day.   It was truly God's way of saying you are obedient and pleasing in my eyes and I have you right where I want you.  
Sometimes the leap is big and the canyon seems too wide to ever be able to clear, but God will always show up.  He will always lift us over the canyon in our obedience for the leap.  

Luke 11:28
He replied, "Blessed rather are those who hear the word of God and obey it."